What’s Next?

I’ve been a stay-at-home wife and mother for most of my adult life.  There have been times in our early years when I had to work, mostly before the first and before the second, when we just couldn’t make it on one income alone.  Our youngest just turned 13, so it’s been a really long time since I’ve had to work outside the home.  We have been very fortunate, our kids have been very fortunate, especially in this day and age when it’s getting harder and harder for families to get by on one income.  It’s not something we take for granted, we know we have been greatly blessed to raise our kids as we were.

We now have one away at college and our boy, although I am truly fortunate to have a son who still likes to go out on mom/son outings, is doing more and more guy things with his dad and the guys.  It’s the way it goes, of course, and that’s fine with me, I am not a GREAT boy mom.  I have friends who are awesome boy moms, they can take a car load of boys to a water park for the day and have no stress at all, I am not even close to being that way.  On the rare occasion I let the neighbor boy come over for a few hours I am stressed.  Why is it that boys this age are just….gross?  Seriously?  I just don’t get it.

For so many years I was the stay-at-home mom that did the majority of the running with our daughter and her friends.  I enjoyed it.  Softball, volleyball, dance, the mall.  When they wanted their hair curled and done up for school pictures or for going to a dance, I was the one they called.  When there was something one of them needed to talk about and were too embarrassed to talk to their moms, they’d come talk to me.  I enjoyed it!  They all called me Mama Mel, most still do on the rare occasion I get to see any of them being that they are all away at college now.  I could take a pickup load to the mall for the day and it would be enjoyable.  

Now I am at a point in my life when I don’t feel so important.  The girls don’t need me anymore.  There are still two that still need me on a weekly basis and that makes me feel good, but with one being five hours one direction and one being seven hours the other direction, it’s not exactly the same.  That’s okay.  I’ve really worked on weaning our daughter, she’s making really good progress on learning how to make decisions on her own.  Sometimes some of the things she comes to me for are really things that she needs to learn to do on her own and she doesn’t always like hearing that, but she knows she can still use me as a sounding board although I won’t give her my opinion.  

I spend a large amount of time alone, which doesn’t bother me so much being that I love my quiet time.  My brother and sister were just enough older than me that they didn’t give me much of their time, I was just the annoying little sister, so by the time I was our sons age, one was a junior and one was a senior and they were seldom home.  I just learned how to entertain myself and learned how to be on my own.  

This is a different kind of alone though, a kind I’m not used to…no one really needing me on a regular basis besides the basics of clean clothes, food in the belly, that kind of thing.  It’s to the point of my needing to find myself, needing to find something for myself.  With being the only female in the house now I’m tired of picking up dirty clothes off the living room floor, shoes from under the kitchen table and dishes up out of the bedroom.  I live with pigs…I really did a disservice to my husband and children by always doing EVERYTHING for them, I always just walked behind them and picked up after them. 

Part of me has thought about getting a small time job for something to do, but then I start to feel claustrophobic, I’ve always been able to stop and go when someone needed picked up at school, taken to a guitar or dance lesson or to go to a roping with the family.  With a job I couldn’t do that, the thought makes me feel panicked…my husband likes it when he wants me to go with on an overnight cattle buying trip or an overnight roping that I can just drop and go, he doesn’t like the thought of my getting a job for that very reason.

I’ve thought about going to school.  I love politics.  I’ve thought about teaching but my children both said I wasn’t the teaching type, not a lot of patience when someone isn’t getting it.  The thought of studying and having to retain information kind of makes me feel nervous as well.  It’s been a lot of years since I’ve had to memorize and remember much of anything of major importance.  

The first step has been figuring out that there has to be more out there.  I’m missing something and it’s time I try to figure out just what it is.  

Still working on it, although I do believe I made a major break through today, with Kaet now away at school and only being home about once a month and will pry only live here full time during the summer until she graduates and then still will pry never live here full time again, it’s time to do something with her room.  She’ll still have her room, but with our small house, it’s time to do some painting and downsizing of her things and turn that room into one that can be used for something else as well.

Seems as though once you get comfortable in one phase of life, the next phase comes along and throws a person for a loop.  

That phase would include two chihuahuas that may think they are human…it’s always something!  🙂 

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