5. July 2015

Today is a new day and I have decided that today is going to be the first of many new days.  I am challenging myself to a change in my life.  

Recently Kaet and I were sitting at my mom and dad’s kitchen table and chatting with my mom.  Don’t recall what we were talking about, but “Feddersen Time” was brought up.  

Guess I should explain what Feddersen Time is…I only heard the term used a couple months or so ago, but I guess it’s been around for some time.  It’s basically a term some of come up with in reference to when my husband says he’s going to be somewhere or do something.  He may say he’s going to be somewhere at 2, just don’t expect to see him until 2:30.  He will get there when he gets there and don’t rush him because he may decide to wait a bit just because you are trying to rush him. Feddersen Time is basically, you will see us when you see us and not a minute before.

Anyway, Kaet and I were talking with my mom recently, think she was trying to pin point me down for making some plans and I was hee hawing around on setting a definite time or date.  Feddersen Time was brought up and mom said, you know, you never used to be that way.  That really hit me…she was right, I never used to be that way.  When I said I was going to be somewhere, I was there and usually 10-15 minutes early.  When we were making plans for something down the road, I had a piece of paper and was making plans, now I tend to fly by the seat of my pants. 

When in the hell did that all change?  I can honestly say that I don’t like being late and I don’t like not having plans laid out.  I like to be organized and ready for everything, ahead of time.  When I was in high school and college I always had a to-do list for every damn day of the week, right down to the time frames I wanted to do everything and I didn’t like deviating from that schedule.

When Kirk and I got married well over 20 years ago I was still a list person and an organized person.  Laundry was always done, dishes were always done, the house was always clean, we seldom ate out, I always cooked big meals (having grown up on the farm and having hired hands we cooked big meals twice a day) and baked on a regular basis.  When Kaet was little I walked behind her and picked up all day long.  

I suppose, little by little, over the years I changed and picked up Kirk’s laid back attitude about never being in a hurry to get anywhere has rubbed off on me.  The whole, what the hell, let’s watch this show and we’ll go do this, that or the other thing later…damn, it’s too hot out to do anything right now, let’s wait until the sun starts going down and it starts cooling off and then we’ll get some work done, kind of being has rubbed off on me over the years.  

While getting ready to go to the rodeo Friday afternoon it all kind of hit me…I am tired of living this way.  I rush around like a crazy person trying to get things done and ready while everyone else kind of sits in the living room and waits for me to get everything done and for me to start barking orders at them.  I’ve done things for the kids for so long that it’s like hell to get them motivated to do things without being prompted….repeatedly…to do things and do them completely and not just till things are done just enough to work.  

It’s time for me to grow up, like when I was 16 and my mother would tell me I was like an old mother hen or like an old lady. I’ve let myself retreat over the years and started going with the flow and I’m not happy with the outcome.  It’s no one’s doing but my own and I have to step up and take responsibility for my own actions.

I’m giving myself 21 days (as a starting point) to get the ball headed in the right direction and to be able to see how much I can accomplish on my first set of goals.  Wish me luck!

Peace!

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