10. July 2015

The week has come to an end and we’ve stumbled upon another weekend.  Can I run away now?  Yeah, we’ve gotten to that point of summer vacation where I’m ready for everyone to head back to school…

This week started off on such a good foot, I was so positive and ready to take on the world and kick some butt.  That didn’t last too long.  I really worked at trying to get myself back on that horse, but I just couldn’t seem to stay on…so to speak.  

Nothing in particular happened to knock me down, it really was my own mind and my low self esteem.  You know how easy it is to get into your own head.  

Having Kirk and Leo home the most of each day has really begun to drag on me.  That sounds really bad, but I am one of those people who accomplish more when I don’t have people around me.  When I’m home alone, or when we’re all home and the boys are outside working, it’s easier for me to get motivated to work.  When they are inside more than outside I start to feel claustrophobic.  Feel like they are watching me work like they watch the television.  Can’t do it.  So then I start feeling lazy because I’m not getting the things done that I feel I need to be getting done.

We don’t exactly have a large house.  At times it feels like we are sitting on top of one another.  I need my space to breath.

I honestly feel as though we’ve just spent so much time together the past month that I’m feeling enclosed and not like my own person.  I feel like I have to jump and do what everyone wants at all times, forget what I’m doing.  I’m the mom and that’s my job.  I have to wait until everyone is happy and doing their own thing and then I can wash the dishes, have some me time or whatever.  

It’s so hard to start down a new road, to get those new habits going, to work on stopping the old habits…I keep chugging away.  Today was much better.  Hopefully I’ll be able to gain momentum and make some strides tomorrow.  



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