Anxiety Meds

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Had me an a-ha moment a little while ago…guess that means I should rewind a bit.  

I’ve been taking anxiety meds for years.  Started way back in the mid-90’s when K was a toddler, long story short, Kirk and I took a doctor prescribed weight loss medication for a couple months that wound up being taken off the market because of several deaths associated to the pills.  

Ta-Da!  Mel freaks out and the spiral of anxiety medications begins.  Took a medication for anxiety for about five years until I decided to not only take control and get myself off the stuff, but that was also when I started to think that maybe I’d like to have a second child.  Took many months of slowly cutting, but I did it and was so happy when not only I got off the medicine, but the severe anxiety I had about dying seemed to have gone away.  

I was able to stay off all anxiety medications until Leo was about a year old.  He’s 14, so I’ve been on a few different types the past 13 years.  

About three years ago I talked to my family doctor about going to see a doctor specifically specializing in anxiety, depression, ect. This gal and I worked together along with a therapist she set me up with, for maybe a year or so before we found a medicine that worked for me…now that I look back, I believe the therapist is pry the one that was the most beneficial and not the medicine.  

This gal taught me how to deal with my worries, how to talk myself down when I felt the beginning twinges of a panic attack and how to talk to myself when my anxiety was going 90 mph. Before seeing the therapist I never thought I’d ever be able to just go to sleep without the whirlwind of the day bombarding me, going to sleep with my heart pounding, eventually falling asleep by counting my heartbeats.  I’d been doing that for over a dozen years and figured I’d be doing it to my dying day.  

SO, last week I had one of my two times a year checks with my anxiety medication with the doctor.  Told her that Kirk says I seem to be crabbier than normal and tend to get pissed off faster and over smaller things than usual.  I’d noticed that as well.  Also I’d been feeling zombie like for some time, having a hard time talking myself into getting out of bed and keeping myself going through the day even though I wasn’t tired, feeling lethargic most of the time.  The only time I ever really felt awake and energetic being 1:00 in the morning.  

I was hoping she would see that my med was too high of dose, I was saddened when she upped my dose.  I’ve been taking this 50 mg more for three or four days now and more and more I feel like this isn’t the way I want to go.  Kirk didn’t like hearing she’d upped my dose, he’s a firm believer in anxiety and depression not being a real thing, but something in the mind, something not to take a mind altering medication for.

Anyway…was reading a blog a little earlier and that was when that a-Ha moment hit…this gal struggled for years with anxiety, depression, ect. and found when looking back that when she started exercising, a turning point of sorts came about.  She’s not only been without medication for what seems like a long time, but feels as though when she’s exercising regularly she doesn’t have the anxiety and depression feelings.  

I would so LOVE to not take medicine for my anxiety, but anyone who has taken these medicines in the past knows that a person just doesn’t stop taking them.  Love that vertigo feeling!  I feel that I absolutely now have control over my anxiety, well, there are going to be the times when it’s natural for anxiety to take over, but I’ve learned how to work on my anxiety to talk myself down from what’s worth freaking out about and what’s not worth worrying about.  I honestly feel that by working with the therapist for a year really benefited my learning how to not worry so much, ect.  Of course anxiety and worry never fully go away, but so much goes along the way of learning how to handle the anxiety…I feel like I am ready!

SO, it’s time for me to start exercising, take that first step to hopefully being able to cut down on my medication and maybe even eventually being able to go completely without!  It’s time for me to put me first in the taking care of things department!  I want to have feelings again, to not be numb to things that are happy and sad anymore!  

Wish me luck!  

Peace Baby!

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