Wednesday 8. March 2017

Feeling like the week could end now, have had a major clumsy/runnng late kind of day.  Spilled a glass full of pop and ice on me and between the front seat and console of the pickup while trying to put the screw top lid back on and while I was running late already for an appointment this afternoon.  Made the appointment with minutes to spare.  Made it back from the city to pick Leo and Ruby up from my folks and made it home in enough time for Leo to change before he and Kirk had to leave to go roping. However, just a play roping so they could have been a little late!

Wasn’t just me, our little five pound Gypsy Rose has these legs that get in the way at times, she tends to miscalculate jumps at times, running full bore this morning she jumped on the porch and landed like Bambi on ice…always happy, she was up and running again.  Such a goof! 

The past close to a month around here has been topsy turvy in general.  Part of it has to be the weather, this part of the country can be so unpredictable this time of year.  Then again, seeing tornadoes hitting around the country already, seems like we are all having Mother Nature issues.  Not a big time man made climate change person, although I do believe we contribute to a point…my belief system is more tuned to climate has been changing since the beginning of time…but weather craziness like we’ve had the past number of years really does make me rethink some of what I believe.

One of the big things on my mind lately has been urban sprawl.  Since the weather has been getting better I’ve been making more trips to the city and no matter which way I go into the city it seems the city is growing in all directions.  Have I ever said I don’t like change?  I’m a firm believer in the fact that God only made so much ground and He’s not making anymore, so seeing farm ground turn to city makes my stomach turn.  

One way I come into the city has a huge new housing development coming up.  Maybe half a mile from there there’s what was a farm and is now an acreage, Kirk worked a little for the guy way back during his college days, he had cattle then.  There are still horses there but this area is now technically city and once the place is sold no future owners can have farm animals.  On top of the hill from his house is a gorgeous acreage.  Last summer a road was put in on the other side of this family’s driveway and now there are several large apartment buildings and a bank across the street from this acreage.  All I can think when I drive past is that those people built this place out in the country and now they have city across the street that a year ago was a farm field.  At the bottom of the hill from that new building complex is a street only a couple years old and across the street another bank, a medical complex, dentist, ect.  

I get that cities grow.  The population of this city hasn’t gone up much since I was in high school and college in the early 90’s.  I understand growth, people wanting to build these huge fancy new homes, but I hate to see the farm ground disappearing.  One of those things that gets my dander up.  I just wonder about the areas of the city has gone downhill over the past several decades and why can’t some sort of something be done in some of these areas…a renewing so to speak?  I don’t have the big, fancy words, but you can catch my jist.  Farm girl would just like to see farm land stay farm land.

We did learn some good new with Kirk’s dad’s cancer.  Still not great, he has cancer and a mass in each lung.  The results have come back that it’s a slow growing cancer, should be able to be controlled to a point for quite some time of course unless things change.  We all know things can change in the blink of an eye.  Take advantage of what we have while we have them!

Lastly, so tired of all the BS going on in this country!  Almost nightly I’d like to scream at some of these people I don’t agree with politically.  So sick and tired of my way is the only way and I refuse to budge an inch attitude, some of this what I call over-the-top displays that to me make some of these people look like fools…can we just work together for the good of this country, for the good of the people of this country?  My guess is that the majority of the people would just like to see our lawmakers stop with the it throwing, temper tantrums and all that goes with it and just do their freaking jobs.  In the working world people have to work together, cooperate…UGH, anyway…if my kids acted the way some of these lawmakers are acting they’d be living in their rooms with no gadgets, they’d maybe be writing The Lord’s Prayer repeatedly or The Ten Commandments repeatedly until they start to learn something! Or like we had to do in junior high when we got in trouble in study hall…copy dictionary pages word for word until they learn something!  I know I learned to stop talking, or at least stop getting caught talking in study hall!

Peace!

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Thursday 2. March 2017

March!  Don’t all a ya’ll love the sound of the word March!?  Old Man Winter is becoming older and Spring is starting to think about waking up!  March just sounds so much nicer than February!  

February was such a long month this year.  Such a dark month for the family, thankfully Tuesday we were allowed to see a bit of a small light at the end of that horrid dark tunnel.  Many tears have fallen this past month, a lot of anger towards some selfish family members and a lot of hacking and gagging and antibiotics.  

We were so happy when 2017 rang it’s bell, 2016 was such a bad year, Kirk and I each lost an uncle we so deeply adored.  My father-in-law was diagnosed with prostate cancer over the summer, my sister-in-law was told she’d have to have a kidney transplant and started dialysis. Lastly, one of my oldest and dearest friends has been battling Multiple Myeloma, an ugly cancer in her spine, for many years…this fall the treatment she’s been on for years quit holding off the increase of the cancer.  

Kirk’s sister is still on the transplant list, there was a family match that made it to almost the end of testing and was knocked out of being okay’d, she’s still waiting. My friend is at Mayo now, she received her stem cell transplant yesterday, hoping and praying!  

Then Grampa Phil…just love him to pieces and the thought of losing him hurts my heart.  About a month ago he was given an all clear with the prostate thing, was told to come back in a year for testing while still taking a monthly shot.  Wasn’t long after when he started losing his voice, nothing was thought of it at first, figured it was a chest cold kind of thing.  Thank God for his family doctor who decided to send him to a lung doctor for tests.

Grampa has cancer in his lungs.  First doctor said there’s nothing that can be done, he’d get him on meds to make life easier until the end.  Thankfully they went for another opinion…the second doctor said she wasn’t calling anything without scans.  The first doctor felt Grampa was full of cancer, that he pry had spots in his brain because of terrible headaches….I want to say FU to this doctor!  

So, last week a biopsy was done, Monday was the scans…Tuesday was the big day.  

Before that…Saturday night we went to The Godfather’s, Kirk’s aunt and uncle…we talked about getting Grampa back to Iowa from Florida and getting him to his doctor here to see what he thinks and so on.  

While visiting about whether to go down to Florida or not and if so, before or after the results, Kirk called to talk to his folks and The Godfather called the uncle that lives down in Florida and has been going to the doctors appointments with Gramma and Grampa.  When Kirk got off the phone he felt pretty positive, when Godfather got off his call his information was the exact opposite.  Uncle said Grampa was too sick to even make it back to Iowa. We were looking up plane tickets, crying, feeling absolutely helpless.  Pissed off because he never wanted to move to Florida, he’s wanted to move home to be with his kids and grandkids for a long time.  Pissed because we could all fly down to see him but Kirk’s sister can’t because of being on dialysis and has to stay within so far from Omaha in case of a transplant call.  UGH!  

Sunday and Monday seemed to creep past.  Tuesday afternoon Kirk called to say his mom called, the cancer is localized in the lungs, that’s it!  No cancer anywhere else in his body!  The doctor feels like this is a treatable form, she’s going to get him on a treatment, find what works for him and then he’s coming home and she’s sending someone up here to get him setup with his treatments here and work with whomever he’ll be working with here! Of course it’s not a cure, but she feels this will possibly prolong his life a number of years.  Way better than he’s too sick to ever be able to come home!

While Kirk was explaining all this to me I started crying, again…he asked why I was crying, it was better news than was expected, told him I was just so damned happy!  

Talking to my mother-in-law last night she told me to hold on, Grampa wanted to talk to me…he was hard to understand, he told me about a horse ranch they’d gone to see last weekend, it was maybe a minute or two and his voice was gone, but it was so wonderful that he wanted to talk to me and just to here him!  Beyond words happy!

Kirk, Leo and I dealt with influenza for a good half month of February…thinking we had colds we were around my folks and The Godfather and Aunt Kathy…we shared the love and felt terrible about it.  Bubba missed almost two weeks of school.  This strain of influenza has been horrible around here lately.  Spring needs to come!  

So, we are seeing a bit of a light at the end of that long ass tunnel…things won’t be great, but they will be better, at least for now.  Now if we could just get the politicians to stop acting like five year olds the world would maybe be a happier place!  

Take Care! Peace!

Uncle Jamie

We’ve had such a long few weeks, tomorrow will be the end of it all.  Absolutely exhausted, need to go to bed, but am dreading the coming of morning and therefore putting off calling an end to the night.

Starting at the beginning, Kirk and I started dating way back in June 1989 when we were both still in high school.  We’ve been together for so long that we don’t have his family and my family, we have our family…I see his parents as mine, his sister as mine, his aunts and uncles and cousins are all mine…when his gramma passed a few years ago, my gramma passed and I hurt as much as when I lost my blood grandparents.

This past August Kirk’s Uncle Jamie (mom’s youngest sibling) was diagnosed with cancer, in his throat and on his liver.  The call was that both were so far progressed that treatments could be done only in the hope of prolonging his life a little.  A few weeks ago he had the last of his treatments and was told to go home and live life to his fullest.

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Two Saturday evenings ago the families got together and had a big potluck family gathering, Uncle Jamie wanted it.  The night was filled with picture taking, laughing and crying.  Uncle Jay was bound and determined to have pictures taken with absolutely every person there.  Pictures with each of his five siblings and all their families.  He was so full of life, laughing and telling jokes, teasing the great nieces and nephews (he never married or had children of his own) and hugging everyone and telling each person how much he loved them. 

The next morning my mother-in-law and one of the other brothers left to go back to Florida where they call home. 

Wednesday around noon a friend of mine messaged to ask me what was up with Jay, the ambulance had taken him to the hospital that morning.  Kirk was home, he made a few calls and found that Uncle Jay had fallen, the ambulance came, he was joking and laughing as they were loading him up to take him to the hospital.  Calls came and went through the afternoon and Kirk made the call to go see him. 

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Kirk checked in throughout the night, it would only be a matter of time…the doctor had him sleeping and he would hopefully go in his sleep.  The next day he did.  That was a little over a week ago.

The family got together late this afternoon at the church for a prayer service.  Tomorrow morning is the funeral, at the local school where he worked.  The kids loved him, the choir is even singing a song.  Knowing how emotional it’s going to be, really dreading the funeral.

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It’s hard enough to lose a family member, hard enough to do the funeral thing, hard to mourn with a community watching…I’m the biggest cry baby/emotional person you can imagine, and I hate people seeing me cry and I know it will be no holds bar tomorrow.  As hard as all that is, is the fact that Uncle Jamie was 51 years old, the first sibling to pass of six and the baby of the family.  He loved as hard as anyone I know. 

He took care of Gramma when she was sick, was with her when she passed, he lived with her the last several years of her life.  He loved his siblings and nieces and nephews, it wasn’t uncommon for him to scold one of his nieces and nephews for something they did or did not do that he found to be wrong.

He dated his high school sweetheart for many, many years…we believe he never got over loving her.  They broke up only because she was ready to get married and have a family and he wasn’t.  She moved on.  There was never another for him.

This is a small community, there aren’t even 200 kids in the entire high school where he worked.  The town he was born, raised and passed in has a population of less than 350 people.  Uncle Jamie was friends with everyone.  He always had a laugh, a smile and an I love you for those he loved.  He was so young.

We take comfort in that his battle was short, he suffered a very short amount of time, if nothing else, we have to be happy for him for that reason alone. 

About a month ago we were at another of his brother’s, the guys were working on Leo’s pickup.  Jamie gave Leo a ring that was his that had been his dad, that man Leo was named after…Grampa Leo.  He filled Leo in on the type of music to play when going parking with a girl, and the type of lighting to put in for the romance factor.  Leo took it all in!  He was squirrely that day and that’s how I’ll always remember him!

Peace!

This Year Could End!

Seldom has a year hit this family with so many unhappy things popping up on a somewhat regular basis…seldom have we had years where I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say ENOUGH!  

This has been one of those years, too many heavy hearted moments for this crew. This Christmas we are celebrating the fact that we still have our loved ones with us and pray to the Good Lord Above for a Christmas miracle or two!  Going to hold on to our loved ones and thank God for letting these people be a part of our lives.

We have so seldom have had any major health issues in our family, my father has dealt with Agent Orange related skin cancer for many, many years.  Doctors told him he’d never see me (the youngest) graduate from high school, this year is my 25th high school graduation.  He’s never been hospitalized, he’s never been laid up in bed and unable to farm, even while making a four hour round trip, three days a week, on and off for years, for radiation treatments.  He’s 71 and still has more energy than I do.  Our daughter was diagnosed with asthma, allergies and eczema by the time she was three and only in August was given the green light to not have to go to the allergy doctor anymore unless she has an issue.  When she was a Freshman in high school she fell asleep while driving and spent a week in the hospital, one night in ICU.  These have been the worst things we’ve ever really had to deal with.  

This year we have been playing catch up.  

In August, Kirk’s uncle went to the doctor for pains he’d been having.  Cancer, a name I can’t even begin to write out, but basically throat cancer and it had spread to his liver as well.  After months of treatments we learn that the throat cancer is gone, the liver is now full of cancer and what you never want to hear…it’s in his lymph nodes.  This breaks all our hearts.  He’s only 50, the baby of the family.  He had some rough years some time back and he got himself straightened out a number of years ago and has really changed his life.  He never married, has no kids.  When his mom was sick with the cancer, he is the one who took care of her. He lived with her and did absolutely everything for her.  When she passed a few years ago, his world fell apart.  

A couple years or so ago he hired on with one of our local school districts as a janitor, he loved it and was so happy!  He enjoyed working with the kids and the kids really bonded with him as well.  

Last week I was messaged by a mutual friend to tell me the high school kids were getting together and going to bring him gifts and Christmas carol for him.  

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 This crew showed up to surprise our beloved uncle!  Our community is small, less than 500 people in the entire town.  Amazing and heart touching doesn’t even begin to explain how we feel!  Small towns do come together and take care of their own!  Uncle J is the guy in the royal blue sweatshirt and ball cap…can’t even talk about this without breaking up.  These are some absolutely amazing kids!

We pray for a miracle, they do happen!  This guy is the absolute best and has always been a draw to the kids in our family.  Love him to pieces!  

A short time before Uncle J was diagnosed, Kirk’s sister wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor.  She is having a hell of a time with kidney disease that she didn’t know she had, last check her kidney function was just under 20%.  She is thankfully doing somewhat better now, the doctors say she can live a long life, she’ll have to constantly be on the ball, but she’s going to be able to live a long life with some changes in her lifestyle.  

Lastly, my 39 year old cousin had her fifth baby this fall.  Such a happy thing! Last baby, beautiful little guy!  The day she was to check out of the hospital with her little guy, she has a stroke.  Four days later was her 40th birthday.  Thankfully with rehab exercises, she’s doing well now!  

There have been a handful of terrible accidents in our small area communities, friends whose cancer have spread, the death of a boy a few communities over who passed a few days ago after winning his wrestling match, while walking off the mat.

There are so many horrible things going on around our country and around the world, so many things that make us worry about the future of our kids and any children they may someday have.  We worry, but now being able to connect to the names and faces and places that we see on the television screen just don’t cause the heartbreak and pain that experiencing these things in our little area of the world, in our little communities.  

I pray so hard that we will have some amazing Christmas miracles coming our way and that this coming year will be one of healing and health for everyone!  

God Bless!  PEACE!

Monday Night…5. October 2015

Finn, thinking Leo wasn’t done with his homework tonight…or was wanting to check his work!  Seldom boring around here!

Have really been enjoying the fall weather and getting so much done outside around here!  Not as much as I could get done if I were to actually finish one project at a time, but getting a lot done.  I tend to hop from one thing to the next instead of finishing one thing and then moving onto the next.  Told Kirk last night that I should pry just make a list and cross things off as I go, he agreed, which was not what he was supposed to do…but that would be too damned simple.  

Eventually everything does get done, just in Feddersen time.  It gets done when it gets done and we show up when you see the whites of our eyes!  I used to be the complete opposite, Kirk has been this way since the day we met, it’s obviously rubbed off on me over the past 26+ years.  

Finished the last of the pumpkins yesterday…was so tickled to get this bugger up to the house.  Not sure just what to do with it yet, but it’s going to have to have something fun done.  Going to have to save some of the seeds for next year!

Have actually been enjoying treating family and friends with some of the bounty from the pumpkin patch this year.  Hadn’t been able to have one the past two years, so I’m even more thrilled to have had such a crazy outcome!  Told Kirk that next year we’re going to be tilling up more space, wasn’t able to get everything planted this year that I’d wanted.  Hell, we have 11 acres, he has a roping arena, two barns and a few dry pens and quite a bit of pasture.  Thinking he can give me a little more space for the garden.  

ANYWAY….my sister called me about 10:00 one night last week.  She asked if I’d talked to our cousin Brooke lately.  She’s my best friend I wrote about lately…she had her fifth baby on Sunday, she called and I’d talked to her that day for a bit, but hadn’t wanted to bother her, had texted her a couple days later and didn’t hear back from her and assumed she wasn’t in the mood for talking.  

TJ said that she’s just gotten off the phone with our aunt, Brooke’s mom…Brooke had a minor stroke before she left the hospital earlier in the week.  Holy Crap!  She turned 40 on Saturday.  Talk about a major wake up call.  She’s just under three years younger than me, TJ is five years older than me.  You know you hear stories of young people having strokes and heart attacks, but that’s just it, stories…thankfully she’s going to be okay, she can talk just fine and will have to do the therapy.  Really wakes a person up.

Told Kirk that it seems as though our families are falling apart around us.  His sister hadn’t been feeling well in ages, went in for a full check up and learned she has 18% function of her kidneys.  She’s never had kidney issues in her life.  Doctors found scar tissue in her kidneys.  She’s doing a treatment now, has her good days and bad days, but now that it’s known what’s wrong with her, the doctors know what to do to help make her quality of life better.  Found out about a month or so ago that my mother-in-law’s little brother has cancer and it’s not great.  He’s going through radiation and starts his second round of chemo on Friday.  One of my best friends from high school has fought cancer for a little over five years, broke her foot some time ago, cancer in the bone now.  

Kirk and I have both smoked since we were kids, and Kirk has chewed most of his life.  Although we don’t go crazy eating bad food, we don’t hold back from what we want either.  We drink on occasion.  People who do everything right still get sick, there are people who smoke and drink who are healthy all their lives and live into their 90’s…we both have the similar belief that when it’s our time, it’s our time…the Lord says when it’s time for us to leave this earth and whether or not we’ll come down with a disease or illness, no matter what we do.  Live life!  We only have one!

Peace!

Friday 4. September 2015

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Happy Friday!  Patriot was enjoying munching on some grass on this beautiful afternoon!  Dad has the fly mask on, so all the better!

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Edward was enjoying some pasture time as well. 

This old lady had her weekly doctor appointment for the majorly infected cartilage ear piercing I’ve been fighting for MONTHS…could have done the happy dance, Doc agreed that we are finally on the right medications!  Starting to see that light in the tunnel!  Now if I just would have stopped my ass at the chiropractor on my way home, have had about enough of my neck being out of wack and giving me this horrendous headache I’ve been fighting for a couple days.  Didn’t want to take the time, so going to be in hell until Tuesday.  My own damned fault.  

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Checked out my sunflowers this afternoon, absolutely LOVE it when they start getting crazy huge!  My husband calls them weeds, but I enjoy them too much to not grow them.  He just grumbles from time to time and says he hopes they don’t start growing in the neighbors corn and soybeans.  

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My mother-in-law called two days ago to give updates on my sister-in-law and her health.  In-laws are retired to Florida, the rest of us live around here.  We aren’t the best at checking in with one another or getting together, everyone living their own lives and doing completely different things.  It really is sad when I think about it because Kirk and his sister were the best of friends growing up and have grown apart over the years.

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Shell hadn’t been feeling well for some time and after quite a bit of testing she has found that her kidneys are functioning at 18%.  This gal has always been very healthy except for a bad back.  Turns out one of the medications she once took for her back pain is the cause of this kidney problem, they have 75% scar tissue.  Won’t even try to pretend I can explain all the way and why fors, but it isn’t a good thing.  

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Went into town to visit with her today.  Thankfully, she has a wonderful mindset about it all.  Can’t say as I’d be able to be so positive.  Told her that all she has to do is call or text me, if she needs anything, if even just to talk…she can call and text her brother all she wants but if she wants a response, she needs to holler at me too.  Being a cattle buyer he is on the phone day and night, seven days a week, he gets so busy that it’s easy for him to forget to make return calls when it isn’t work related.

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Then she laid on the big news that just knocked the wind out of me, my mother-in-law’s baby brother, just turned 50 a couple months ago, was just diagnosed yesterday with cancer of the esophagus.  Won’t know the stage until this coming Wednesday, but apparently by the time signs begin to show themselves, it’s fairly well along.  I pray that isn’t the situation with Uncle Jay.  Love that man to pieces!

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When I left the small town library that my sister-in-law works, Uncle Jamie was sitting out on his front porch, just across the street, so I walked over to chat with him.  He was in wonderful spirits!  We visited about the kids and their school.  Told him to holler at us for anything, just to have us stop in for a visit, we are less than a 20 minute drive away.

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Sometimes when it rains, it pours.  Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could all live happy, healthy lives with enough that’s needed to live!

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Now, if we could just get the boy focused on school!  He says he really likes his new school!  Says he likes it way better than where he’s always gone.  Talk about a happy mama!  HOWEVER…one week into school and I’m getting daily e-mails on papers being turned in with below 80% scores.  It’s so frustrating when he is so book smart…he just rushes to get the work done so he can do what he wants.  We are constantly at him to bring his work home every night, bring all the books home every night.  It’s happened only once this week.  I love to read, read at least an hour a day, I can sit at the table and read of do bills while he is doing is work, that way I can help him when he needs it and I can look at his work to tell him if he needs to go back, slow down and do it again.  UGH!

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Hoping it doesn’t take too long to get this routine into his head, or it’s going to be a really long year.  

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With that, gonna call it a night…the icy hot seems to have kicked in and the pain is all gone!  Going to enjoy it!

Peace!

Miss Margaret

About seven or eight years ago I started helping out at our local elementary nondenominational youth group at one of the churches in our little hamlet.  Both kids were involved and I felt that I should give a hand.  One of the other ladies helping was a little gal named Margaret.  

When I first starting helping with Footprints I thought Miss Margaret was a grouchy old lady and I steered clean of her as much as possible…then I got to know her and the kids and I absolutely fell in love with her.  There is just something about her and I’ll be damned if we have been able to figure out what it is, but she is such a bright light.  

We call her Miss even though she is married, just seemed to fit her and she never seemed to mind, so to us, she is our Miss Margaret.

Miss Margaret and her family don’t have much, but they are good people.  A number of years ago my mother called just before Christmas and said she had a box of food stuff for Margaret, she’d gone shopping and had bought too much.  She’s done it every year since.  She knows what Margaret means to me and the kids and she enjoys treating her.  We butcher, so we always send beef as well.  We always save the ribs for her, we aren’t big fans but she and her family love them so much that we always save them to give as holiday treats throughout the year.

Since we’ve met, Margaret has been nailed with pneumonia almost every winter and she’s gotten more and more weak over the years, never able to gain back the weight she’s lost over her illness, she’s down to about 70-75 pounds and she’s easily 5’8.  Even when she’s sick she’s on the go, her house is always spotless.  Always doing for everyone else.

She is special to all of us, but all the more so to Leo.  When it comes to her, he has such a soft spot.  When we take things over to her place he insists on being the one to carry everything to the house and give them to her personally.  He’ll go so far as to tell us to stay in the car and he’ll take care of getting everything in the house.  He does this with no one else.  He started this years ago, he just turned 13 and still does it.  She is the only one besides me that he will freely give hugs to.  It really is the sweetest thing.

Pastor called me at the end of last week and told me that she’d taken Miss Margaret to the hospital, she was down with pneumonia and the cancer that had been undetectable this summer was back and everywhere, that she knew we’d want to know and would tell us when she was back home so we could go see her.

I went in this afternoon, pale as always but hiding her illness very well, she never brought it up.  That’s the kind of lady she is. She’s always more concerned about others.  The bus dropped Leo off at her place and she asked him to run some things to the church that she’d forgotten about for youth group, off he went.  She’s the only person whom I’ve ever known for him to just drop whatever he’s doing and just do what she asks, no huffing and puffing, no saying he’ll do it in a bit, he just does it.

Pastor told me the gravity of the situation.  I’ve called and told our daughter, hopefully she’ll be able to get home from college to see our Miss Margaret before too long.  When I sat and talked to Leo about it the other day he said, she’ll kick it, she’s tough.  

Oh, what do you say?  My children have always handled death way better than I do.  I’m a blubbering fool when anyone passes.  I’ve gotten better over the years, have been able to start seeing death the way my children do, don’t know where they got so stinking smart.  They both have always been able to see it as, you know, they are with their mom again, they are with their baby again, they are happy.  

UGH!  But you know, it does help, when my 46 year old cousin passed a couple weeks ago, although he left his two sweet littles and wife behind, I was able to say…he’s with his mom again, he was about 20 when she passed…that has helped a lot.

I’m just not sure this time around.  Kaet has said that she’s never cried when anyone has passed and I don’t recall Leo crying except for after I’ve started in and I think it’s just because his mom is crying.  He found out about our cousin Chad passing via another cousin, Linc apologized for it and I said no, it was okay.  When I talked to Leo about it later he said that he was glad to have heard it from someone other than me because he just can’t stand to see me cry.  My boy.

We still pray and hope for a miracle but it’s starting to look like a long shot.  We love her to pieces but hate to see her feeling so ill.  We know that God has his plan and we may not always like the plan but we have to learn to live with what he brings into our lives.

Much love to our Miss Margaret…we’ll keep praying for a miracle!