The Winds of Change

Big life change…ma starts working at the local elementary school on Tuesday morning.  It was a really hard decision to make, one that made me sick to my stomach at the thought of the unknown after having been a stay-at-home mom for the majority of the past 23 years. It’s something I’ve thought about since spring and visited with one of our “other daughters” who is an Aide at the school and think may be right up my alley.  Ash took my application in on Tuesday, received the call this afternoon…was told I could start tomorrow if I wanted…but chose a meeting to learn the ins and outs of the job and so on.  I am absolutely terrified of change!  Will be nice to feel as though I’m accomplishing something again! 

The best will be that it’s only during school hours, no weekends and no nights besides school programs.  Will still be able to be home for my guys and go with when there’s a rodeo or roping.  That was one of my major worries being I’ve been able to be there for everything over the years.


(these two normally won’t sleep this close, but mom made a couple new afghans)

Had been having THE BEST WEEK in a long time until this morning.  Our girl is on her one week vacation and came home this year instead of staying out west.  She finally found a class to carry a gun, so she wasn’t able to get home until around suppertime on Sunday.  Actually had both kids in one house, actually in the same room, for the first time in YEARS.  Rather funny, the top bunk and K aren’t the best of friends…but she seemed to actually be enjoying hanging out with her little brother again.  Made ma’s heart feel good.

Yesterday we took Gramma to the city to the hotdog shop, was always one of our things and it had been a couple years.  Afterwards we went to the Catholic park and walked off those hotdogs, Gramma and I had each been there once, K hadn’t been before.  Took her awhile but she found Moses…he was who she wanted to find aften Jesus.


Was even able to pull a fast one and stop at a cemetery in the city where I found my Great Great Grandmother and her second husband and two sons.  Cemeteries freak my girl out and I find such peace walking cemeteries and reading stones.  She gets that from her father, he doesn’t like going either.

We’d been having such a nice time…when I got up to get Bubba going for school this morning she was roaming the house.  Her boyfriend of almost three years called at 4 am to say he wasn’t sure about their relationship anymore.  Is he freaking kidding me, she’s six hours away on vacation with her family and he pulls a stunt like this?! 

He’s here now, she met him in the city where they are spending the night.  She texted to say they’ve working things through…they came to the realization they’ve let work and friends get in the way to the point where they are basically roommates.  They have work to do but seem to want to work on it. 

Don’t know what she’ll do if they break up.  No family out there, no friends close enough for her to room with if they do.  They have a pickup they split the payment and insurance on, the downpayment was the vehicle she’d been driving since she graduated high school that we gave her when she graduated from college…she’d never be able to afford that payment on her own, rent, she has a good job but not high paying enough to get a place of her own, no matter how cheap.  She did tell him that if they did break up and she had to move home, there would be no going back.  She’d been working at a bank for almost two years now and just became a loan officer over the summer, that’s a hard job to leave and try to find new. 

Mom is feeling so much stress…thankfully she takes after her dad and doesn’t let too much stress her out and has always put her head down and plowed on when times have been tough.  Not real having with DingBat tonight for pulling this on her at this time.  She hasn’t been able to come home for this long in over two years.  Going to have a hard time being civil when they come home tomorrow.  I will be, but it won’t be easy…selfish comes to mind, it could have waited two days until she went back out west. But that’s mom speaking. 

Now I have to start to thinking about shower and bed.  I’ve been a major night owl for over two decades now (since K was born I’ve always waited until the kids have been in bed for the night to do my thing and have never been able to break it after both were in school) and the though of having to change is going to be tough, the meeting at the school is at 10:30, which isn’t too hard, but starting next week I’ll have to be at school at 8:00…pretty tough when I normally go to bed between 2:30 and 3.  I can do it…it’s worth it! 


Wednesday 30. May 2018

Summer vacation has begun!  The kids last day was this past Friday and we are already loving not having the morning 7 am struggle.

The month of May has really flown by for this family.  Has been so nice to be able to get moving outside again.  Haven’t gotten much accomplished yet, but getting going.  If we can hold the rain off a few more days I may be able to get my garden in.  I’m always late getting it in.  Run on my own clock!

Our Girlie was able to come home the last two weekends!  We were so tickled she was able to get a couple days off work to be able to be home for FOUR NIGHTS!  It had been ages since she’d been able to be home for such a long stretch.

My brother’s twins graduation party was one evening, my sister’s oldest son and our dad’s birthday the next evening.

Although we missed her other half not being able to come back, was so nice for Girlie and Bubba to be able to have some much needed brother/sister time.  Little Brother has struggled quite a bit the past year plus with his sister being so far away and always having to share his time with her with Bonehead.

The past weekend Girlie was home to throw me and Old Man a party for our 25th wedding anniversary.  Bubba had her to himself an entire day before Bonehead came for one day, he was able to sneak away from planting for just a bit.

Our party was supposed to be a surprise, but our kids tend to have a hard time keeping secrets from mom.  They told me with hopes I could keep Old Boy from going roping, they also roped two of his roping buddies into keeping him from planning anything.  He wound up figuring it our a few days ahead of time.  They didn’t want him to know being he doesn’t like a fuss and feared he’d make them cancel it.

We had such a nice evening, although the mercury hit over 100 degrees that day.  The newly remodeled shelter house in town has a kick ass new air conditioner!  There was great foot, wonderful cake from our local Cake Lady and so many family and friends.  Many more people than we imagined would come.  Great night of visiting!  Something we should do a few times a year for no reason at all!

My dad’s sister gave me a beautiful gift that my great grandmother’s sister made…


Terrible of me to say, but so tickled her kids don’t like these family mementos…last year she gave me the same great grandmother’s china.  Yes, a little spoiled!

Memorial Day was uneventful, we had another 100 degree day and it was just too miserable to get out and visit the cemeteries.  I felt and and still feel badly about not getting to everyone, but about five days of 95 degrees and up, just couldn’t do it.  It’s nicer now, so hoping to get to see everyone this week.

Now, making plans with my mom and Bubba for a day trip to southern Iowa next week to a few towns I read about over the winter that I feel the need to go see.  Will fill in on that afterwards, my Danish friends may enjoy!

Much Love and Peace To One And All!


Sunday 19. November 2017

Time to sit down for a bit and try to focus.  We’ve definitely hit the busy time of the year and am starting to feel overwhelmed.  Was just this afternoon that it hit we are only days away from Thanksgiving.


Looking forward to Bubba having only a three day school week.  A four day break from the morning fight will be so nice.  Old Boy has never been one to be involved with the getting going for school morning thing and neither Bubba nor I are pleasant morning people.  Doesn’t help that Ma is old fashioned about dressing for school and Bubba is the exact opposite.  Gets really old saying, “You are not wearing farm clothes to school, Go Change!” and then the stomping that sets me off, we didn’t dare stomp in our house growing up!

Excited for Old Boy’s family gathering this year being his folks are home and Grampa had some great news from the cancer doctor last week and he has already begun to perk up just knowing there is more hope than there was a week ago.  So much to celebrate! 

Really tickled that this year I’ve been included in the planning for the get together.  Actually the one aunt said she’d take charge of everything since everyone else is so busy at the moment and she asked me to help.  Really touched to be able to be included in such a big way being this family is a tough nut to crack as an outsider. 

Not doing anything official on my side this year.  My sister’s family are doing their own thing and my brother’s crew are headed to a cattle show for the extended weekend.  Mom told me last week that she doesn’t really like to celebrate Thanksgiving anymore being the white man took the Native’s land.  I get it after seeing so many history programs over the past several years. 

However, I want to do a little something Friday or Saturday being Our Girl will be home and she won’t be home for Christmas.  I bought a half smoked turkey from our local butcher, so we’ll just have to make mom cooperate!  I can pull it off, doesn’t the baby of the family and the first born grandchild usually get their way?  In this family, more often than not the answer would be Yes! 

Having an on and off excitement about Our Girl being home for a few days.  We’ve been having an on and off frustration with one another lately.  She’s going through a phase where it feels like she’s forgotten the importance of family and I am such a family first person, it caused some friction.  Kids! 

Well, with that all being said, the time has ticked by and it’s past my bedtime. 


Wednesday 8. February 2017

Having one of those weeks.  Thinking I need to run away, maybe somewhere warm?  Oh hell, as long as no one can find me, guess it doesn’t really matter where!  

Long story short, Kaet wound up taking my jeep back to NebraskaLand with her this past weekend.  She’s wanting something more economical and roomy to drive on their trips home with the dogs and her pickup just wasn’t hitting either of those points.  

She was given the pickup to take to college and was told that if she graduated it would be her graduation gift to with as she pleased.  She graduated in December and we hadn’t signed off on the title yet, was waiting for her to decide if she was going to keep or trade it and to save up for licensing now that she has a full time job.  

Over the past number of months we’ve come to the realization that we’ve outgrown my jeep.  I downsized after Kaet went off to college, thinking I wouldn’t need such a large vehicle anymore. It’s a great vehicle, just not great with these tall boys I have riding along from time to time and not so great for going on our little overnight trips.  I do pack everything including the kitchen sink, even if only going to be gone overnight.  I have to have options!  It could rain or snow, be sweatshirt and coat or t-shirt weather…just never know.  

So, while home it was decided that Kaet wanted the jeep.  So now it’s vehicle shopping time…I’d much rather go to the dentist to get a tooth pulled or drilled on than go vehicle shopping.  Put me out of my misery now!  

Kirk thinks I should get a pickup and have a cover put on the back…he has two pickups and Leo has one and at the moment we have Kaet’s until we trade it off.  Do we really need another pickup?  I’ve had them in the past and like them and with the cover on the bed makes traveling easy…but, do we really need another pickup?  If I get a SUV he wants to make sure it’s something he doesn’t have to get down in like with the jeep. Doesn’t really matter, we’ve had big, medium sized and smaller SUV’s, he hasn’t liked any and we had almost always wound up taking one of his pickups on little trips if no rain has been in the forecast.  But he tells me to get what I’d like.  

We did go into the city to the Ford dealership this afternoon, he’d like me to stick with a Ford being the pickup we have to trade in is a Ford and figures that’s where we’ll get the best trade in.  I did find a pickup with the tonto cover over the bed that I liked, not loved, but liked…but they didn’t want to give a trade in price that Kirk would even consider, it’s only four or five years old.  My keeping the pickup is not something I want to do, didn’t like it when he first got it for his work vehicle.  

I really, really, really don’t like shopping for vehicles!


Wednesday 14. December 2016

Tonight I am really struggling with being a good Christian.  It’s been going on for a number of days now, but since this afternoon’s text exchange with my daughter while she was at work, I’m really having a hard time.  So much so that I haven’t been able to bring myself to talk to or message with her tonight.  I know I’m wrong, I’m being selfish…just don’t know how to work my way through this.  

Actually, this started last week.  Kaet messaged me a screen shot of a Go Fund Me Page that had been added to FB.  A family member who is going through some health issues, her husband’s sister made this page with the sum wanting to be raised of $15,000.  

The family member has been fighting with her health problems for a couple years or so.  She’s needing a kidney transplant and thankfully a there is a family member who is a match, they are going through all the additional tests that need to be done ahead of surgery.  She’s in tough shape but at the moment hasn’t gotten to the point of life or death.

The sister-in-law started this go fund me thing.  In the write up she stated that the family member with the health issue is in dire straights, worse than she actually is.  The husband is now having some major health issues and is going to need surgery and this whole song and dance.  His health issue isn’t near as bad as his wife’s, not life threatening.  The sister-in-law then added that both their children have autism and dyslexia.  They are very high functioning autistic.  One wouldn’t know either was autistic.  The oldest has a job at a preschool.  There are so many people out there with autism that have a much bigger struggle in life.

I guess our problem is that this family is always asking for a handout.  She works hard and he only works as hard as he has to.  It just seems like one more circumstance of what’s been going on for years.  His family has helped financially many times, her family has helped financially many times.  We feel that it’s become one of those round and around and around kind of things.  I can’t see the wife liking this go fund me thing.  She’s not a beggar.  

Like I said, I feel like a bad Christian…I should be giving and loving in this situation, but all I can think of is all the crap that’s gone on over the years.  The husband and the daughter have the, what are you going to do for me, kind of thought process.  It’s a struggle I’ve been trying to work through for about a week now.

Today Kaet told me that she was only going to have three days off for Christmas and pry won’t be coming home.  We lived out that way for years and many, many times we’d make a quick trip home for things like holidays, staying one night in Iowa before heading back out east.  She wants to make it fair with her boyfriend’s family.  They are such nice people and have done so much for Kaet, but I am feeling intense jealousy towards them right now.  She wants to make it fair.  She wasn’t home for either of our family Thanksgivings, she spent Thanksgiving with them.

I get it, she wants to spend Christmas with both sides, so that means she won’t be coming home at all.  She started laying it on making it sound like we should just drop all our responsibilities to run out west to her, that way she can do both families together.  I’ve said before, we have livestock that we can’t leave, especially with the weather we’ve been having, we can’t leave someone in charge of our livestock and something happen with the weather.  We’ve been on the other side of that where Kirk was doing cattle chores for friends on Christmas Eve and he wasn’t able to make it home for Christmas because he was snowed in 15 miles away at the friends home.

Like I said, it’s a struggle I’m really having a hard time with tonight.  She’s going to be 22 the day after Christmas, obviously we can’t tell her to come home for 24 hours.  We did it many times, but that was us.  She’s our only daughter. We’ve always been so close and I’m having a really hard time with her not being here at all this year.  The past two years she was at least able to come home for a week or two being she was still in college.  This is new and it’s hard.  

I’ll get through it, I always do.  This getting older thing really sucks sometimes.  Having the kids getting older really sucks too.  I don’t feel as important anymore.  Don’t feel like I’m needed or wanted so much.  I really need to go deep inside myself and find what my next step in life is.  What is it I need to do to feel of importance, like I’m something other than a maid and a person who’s supposed to jump when the family wants me to.  That’s not a way to live and be happy.


Saturday 26. November 2016

We’ve been having a great Thanksgiving weekend at the Homestead!  Family time at The Lakes with my mom’s side of the family on Thursday, and the big kids were able to make it home from NebraskaLand on Friday morning!  

Kirk and one of his roping buddies went out to Nebraska on Friday for a team roping and brought home a little money to take both families out for supper last night!  We all met up at our local steak house/lounge, kids and all.  Ran into several people we knew and was able to get in a lot of visiting!  

Grampa showed up before we left, Kaet and Dallas had a few drinks with him and then Liz showed up and I wound up going home alone!  The kids hung out in town and then went home and spent the night with my folks.  I’m sure dad was tickled, he and Kaet have a bond unlike with any of the other grandkids and he’s always so happy to get her to himself! 

Bubba wasn’t too happy.  He was excited to have his sister home and was hoping for as much time with her as he can get with her boyfriend along.  We wound up finishing up watching a Christmas movie with me and he and Finn crashed and wound up sleeping on the couch in the basement.  

We were able to make some time to go to the city to do some shopping.  She has a new job at a bank she starts in a week and was needing some business clothes.  Was really shocked the city wasn’t near as busy and crazy as it usually is this weekend of the year, guess on-line shopping has really changed things.  Definitely not complaining!  It was nice to get in and out fairly quick!

This evening we did go down to The Godfather and Aunt Kathy’s.  They missed Kaet and Dallas not being able to make it  home last weekend for Thanksgiving, so we wanted to get down so they could see each other.  We had grabbed meat, cheese, crackers and cupcakes at the grocery store in the city, so we took supper to them and sat and visited and told stories for a few hours.  

The kids are back at Gramma and Grampa’s tonight.  Spending a little extra time with them before heading back out west in the morning.  Gramma hadn’t gotten to see much of Kaet yet, and like Grampa, they have a special bond.  First grandchild!  

Although it was only a short trip, it was great having her home!  Going to be even tougher now that she graduates college in two weeks and starts her new full time job in one week.  

We knew when she went away to college that there would be a chance that she would maybe like it enough to stay when she was done with school, or meet a guy out there that would also keep her from moving back home.  Ag college, most of the guys are family farmers who will be going back home once they graduate and there aren’t too many people from this area that go to school out there.  We don’t have the large cattle operations here like there is out where she is.  

It’s all good though.  When we were her age we were married and living not far from where she is living now.  Actually, at her age, I was less than a month away from having her…day after Christmas Nebraska Baby.  Being young and away from home is actually something I would recommend to every young adult…you have to stand on your own two feet and learn how to take care of yourself and can’t go running home to mom and dad every time you stub your toe.  Kirk and I have said many, many times that it’s the best thing we could have done when we first married…we had to depend on one another.  That was the main reason we encouraged her to go away to school.  

As long as she’s happy, that’s the only real thing that mattters.  She has enjoyed most of her school experience.  The first half year was tough.  Since May she’s worked two and three jobs at a time, the girl is a worker!  She is one strong gal and we are so proud of her!  She was always strong minded, going back to when she was a little girl…she was never afraid of meeting new people and trying new things.  It’s reassuring that she has really fit in with her boyfriend’s family, she has people to go to if she needs…there is a support system for her, something that I wish we would have had when we lived out there.  Sometimes you do need a couple people to lean on on a bad day. 

But, now…back to NebraskaLand for the kiddos.  They are ready to get back to their children…the dogs had to stay home this time because they cound themselves with ringworm and had to stay with their other grandparents.  


Monday 7. November 2016

Don’t know where October went…doesn’t feel like the beginning of November, we are having such a mild fall.  We’ve had no rain in about two months, even the farmers working on getting the crops in have been saying we could use a little rain.  The weatherman in calling for a chance this evening, but isn’t sounding like he thinks it’ll happen.  We are taking every day as it comes though, knowing winter will show it’s ugly head before we are ready.


Have been watching the neighbors this morning…Kirk talked to one of the brothers recently and believe he said this field and the one across the road from us are their last two fields this year.  Usually they are one of the first areas they harvest.  Must be shaking things up a bit this year.


Always enjoy watching our neighbors harvest.  It’s a family operation…mom, dad, sons and daughters.  They have more land than dad farmed as we were growing up.  Dad never used trucks, just a tractor and wagon and one hired combine man.  The corn was just brought down the hill to the silos and unloaded at our place because we fed what we raised.  Not sure if the neighbors raise livestock or not.  Pry should know since one of the granddaughters is one of our “extra kids” that spent a lot time here while growing up.


Dad has his own combine now.  He only farms the one field at our place now, my brother has the other field among others he now owns and rents.  He farms some with his former brother-in-law, they have the combines and trucks like our neighbors here do.  Different generation.  Dad still does everything the way he always has and there’s no changing him, although I know it frustrates my brother.  If it makes him happy, that’s all that matters!



Today I’m going to start trying to get myself built back up after being down the past five weeks with the chest crud.  Was feeling quite a bit better last week but wasn’t able to get much accomplished, after being down for so long, doesn’t take much for me to get worn down…so frustrating.  Have never been sick like this ever, to my knowledge.  Thirty minutes of house work and I’m done.  Makes me feel like my age is catching up with me.


Our girl came home from college for the weekend, hadn’t seen her in two months.  She brought her boyfriend and their two dogs with them…talk about mass craziness.  We have three chihuahuas (that don’t like other dogs) and they have two cow dogs that don’t like other dogs or cats…we have a house cat that is seldom seen, as all cats should be…she has a job and she does a great job of it, haven’t seen in mouse in many years.  Needless to say, they wound up staying the weekend with my folks.


As it happened, Grampa Leo’s birthday was on Saturday, so we stopped by to a get a picture.  As I asked Kaet’s boyfriend, don’t all families take family pictures at the cemetery?  He just smirked and shook his head…it’s not something we did growing up…it’s just me.  Leo was named after Kirk’s favorite grampa, started taking a picture of Little Leo every Memorial Day weekend way back when L.L. was little.


Leo was so tickled to see that he’s now taller than his sister, and by several inches.  In August she was still a titch taller.  A bit of a sore spot with her…her freshman year in high school she fell asleep while driving and flipped her vehicle…fractured two vertebrae and lost 1 1/2″ in height…very touchy subject.


We were thankfully lucky enough to have gorgeous weather and were able to get out for the afternoon on Saturday…we took Dallas to Jolly Time, always a fun place to stop.  


We celebrated my mom’s 70th on Saturday evening.  Everyone but one grandchild was able to make it…that doesn’t happen often now that Kaet lives so far away in NebraskaLand.  She didn’t want a big party like we had when dad turned 70, she wanted low key and immediate family only.  Was a nice evening…no fighting…always a good thing!

IMG_7679.JPG(Little Leo, The Godfather…Uncle Steve, Aunt Kathy and Great Aunt Phyllis)

Yesterday we celebrated Kirk’s Great Aunt Phyl’s birthday…she does not like being called Aunt Phyl, but that’s what I call her…but not when she’s around, the name seems to fit. She’s the only sibling left in her family, an awesome lady!  Had a great time visiting with family and celebrating a wonderful young lady!  

Now it’s on to putting the house back in order after being sick for so long and on to getting ready for Thanksgiving!  We are having Kirk’s side of the family gathering the Saturday before at The Godfather’s.  Kaet and Dallas will be able to make it back for that!  My in-laws and two uncles will be home from Florida as well!  

Kaet will be staying out west this year for Thanksgiving, last year she and Dallas were here, so they are going to be with his family this year.  I’m not thrilled about it, but I get it…it’s going to be hard, but it’s just something I’m going to have to get used to.  Been there are done that way back when Kaet was a baby and we lived out in south central Nebraska.  We couldn’t make it home to every holiday and it was tough.  All our family and friends lived back here.  Have to do what you have to do though, no matter how hard.

I suppose I’ve rattled on more than enough.  Think I’m stalling on my housework.

My Best To All!