Time to sit down for a bit and try to focus. We’ve definitely hit the busy time of the year and am starting to feel overwhelmed. Was just this afternoon that it hit we are only days away from Thanksgiving.
Tonight I am really struggling with being a good Christian. It’s been going on for a number of days now, but since this afternoon’s text exchange with my daughter while she was at work, I’m really having a hard time. So much so that I haven’t been able to bring myself to talk to or message with her tonight. I know I’m wrong, I’m being selfish…just don’t know how to work my way through this.
Actually, this started last week. Kaet messaged me a screen shot of a Go Fund Me Page that had been added to FB. A family member who is going through some health issues, her husband’s sister made this page with the sum wanting to be raised of $15,000.
The family member has been fighting with her health problems for a couple years or so. She’s needing a kidney transplant and thankfully a there is a family member who is a match, they are going through all the additional tests that need to be done ahead of surgery. She’s in tough shape but at the moment hasn’t gotten to the point of life or death.
The sister-in-law started this go fund me thing. In the write up she stated that the family member with the health issue is in dire straights, worse than she actually is. The husband is now having some major health issues and is going to need surgery and this whole song and dance. His health issue isn’t near as bad as his wife’s, not life threatening. The sister-in-law then added that both their children have autism and dyslexia. They are very high functioning autistic. One wouldn’t know either was autistic. The oldest has a job at a preschool. There are so many people out there with autism that have a much bigger struggle in life.
I guess our problem is that this family is always asking for a handout. She works hard and he only works as hard as he has to. It just seems like one more circumstance of what’s been going on for years. His family has helped financially many times, her family has helped financially many times. We feel that it’s become one of those round and around and around kind of things. I can’t see the wife liking this go fund me thing. She’s not a beggar.
Like I said, I feel like a bad Christian…I should be giving and loving in this situation, but all I can think of is all the crap that’s gone on over the years. The husband and the daughter have the, what are you going to do for me, kind of thought process. It’s a struggle I’ve been trying to work through for about a week now.
Today Kaet told me that she was only going to have three days off for Christmas and pry won’t be coming home. We lived out that way for years and many, many times we’d make a quick trip home for things like holidays, staying one night in Iowa before heading back out east. She wants to make it fair with her boyfriend’s family. They are such nice people and have done so much for Kaet, but I am feeling intense jealousy towards them right now. She wants to make it fair. She wasn’t home for either of our family Thanksgivings, she spent Thanksgiving with them.
I get it, she wants to spend Christmas with both sides, so that means she won’t be coming home at all. She started laying it on making it sound like we should just drop all our responsibilities to run out west to her, that way she can do both families together. I’ve said before, we have livestock that we can’t leave, especially with the weather we’ve been having, we can’t leave someone in charge of our livestock and something happen with the weather. We’ve been on the other side of that where Kirk was doing cattle chores for friends on Christmas Eve and he wasn’t able to make it home for Christmas because he was snowed in 15 miles away at the friends home.
Like I said, it’s a struggle I’m really having a hard time with tonight. She’s going to be 22 the day after Christmas, obviously we can’t tell her to come home for 24 hours. We did it many times, but that was us. She’s our only daughter. We’ve always been so close and I’m having a really hard time with her not being here at all this year. The past two years she was at least able to come home for a week or two being she was still in college. This is new and it’s hard.
I’ll get through it, I always do. This getting older thing really sucks sometimes. Having the kids getting older really sucks too. I don’t feel as important anymore. Don’t feel like I’m needed or wanted so much. I really need to go deep inside myself and find what my next step in life is. What is it I need to do to feel of importance, like I’m something other than a maid and a person who’s supposed to jump when the family wants me to. That’s not a way to live and be happy.
We’ve been having a great Thanksgiving weekend at the Homestead! Family time at The Lakes with my mom’s side of the family on Thursday, and the big kids were able to make it home from NebraskaLand on Friday morning!
Kirk and one of his roping buddies went out to Nebraska on Friday for a team roping and brought home a little money to take both families out for supper last night! We all met up at our local steak house/lounge, kids and all. Ran into several people we knew and was able to get in a lot of visiting!
Grampa showed up before we left, Kaet and Dallas had a few drinks with him and then Liz showed up and I wound up going home alone! The kids hung out in town and then went home and spent the night with my folks. I’m sure dad was tickled, he and Kaet have a bond unlike with any of the other grandkids and he’s always so happy to get her to himself!
Bubba wasn’t too happy. He was excited to have his sister home and was hoping for as much time with her as he can get with her boyfriend along. We wound up finishing up watching a Christmas movie with me and he and Finn crashed and wound up sleeping on the couch in the basement.
We were able to make some time to go to the city to do some shopping. She has a new job at a bank she starts in a week and was needing some business clothes. Was really shocked the city wasn’t near as busy and crazy as it usually is this weekend of the year, guess on-line shopping has really changed things. Definitely not complaining! It was nice to get in and out fairly quick!
This evening we did go down to The Godfather and Aunt Kathy’s. They missed Kaet and Dallas not being able to make it home last weekend for Thanksgiving, so we wanted to get down so they could see each other. We had grabbed meat, cheese, crackers and cupcakes at the grocery store in the city, so we took supper to them and sat and visited and told stories for a few hours.
The kids are back at Gramma and Grampa’s tonight. Spending a little extra time with them before heading back out west in the morning. Gramma hadn’t gotten to see much of Kaet yet, and like Grampa, they have a special bond. First grandchild!
Although it was only a short trip, it was great having her home! Going to be even tougher now that she graduates college in two weeks and starts her new full time job in one week.
We knew when she went away to college that there would be a chance that she would maybe like it enough to stay when she was done with school, or meet a guy out there that would also keep her from moving back home. Ag college, most of the guys are family farmers who will be going back home once they graduate and there aren’t too many people from this area that go to school out there. We don’t have the large cattle operations here like there is out where she is.
It’s all good though. When we were her age we were married and living not far from where she is living now. Actually, at her age, I was less than a month away from having her…day after Christmas Nebraska Baby. Being young and away from home is actually something I would recommend to every young adult…you have to stand on your own two feet and learn how to take care of yourself and can’t go running home to mom and dad every time you stub your toe. Kirk and I have said many, many times that it’s the best thing we could have done when we first married…we had to depend on one another. That was the main reason we encouraged her to go away to school.
As long as she’s happy, that’s the only real thing that mattters. She has enjoyed most of her school experience. The first half year was tough. Since May she’s worked two and three jobs at a time, the girl is a worker! She is one strong gal and we are so proud of her! She was always strong minded, going back to when she was a little girl…she was never afraid of meeting new people and trying new things. It’s reassuring that she has really fit in with her boyfriend’s family, she has people to go to if she needs…there is a support system for her, something that I wish we would have had when we lived out there. Sometimes you do need a couple people to lean on on a bad day.
But, now…back to NebraskaLand for the kiddos. They are ready to get back to their children…the dogs had to stay home this time because they cound themselves with ringworm and had to stay with their other grandparents.
Don’t know where October went…doesn’t feel like the beginning of November, we are having such a mild fall. We’ve had no rain in about two months, even the farmers working on getting the crops in have been saying we could use a little rain. The weatherman in calling for a chance this evening, but isn’t sounding like he thinks it’ll happen. We are taking every day as it comes though, knowing winter will show it’s ugly head before we are ready.
Have been watching the neighbors this morning…Kirk talked to one of the brothers recently and believe he said this field and the one across the road from us are their last two fields this year. Usually they are one of the first areas they harvest. Must be shaking things up a bit this year.
Always enjoy watching our neighbors harvest. It’s a family operation…mom, dad, sons and daughters. They have more land than dad farmed as we were growing up. Dad never used trucks, just a tractor and wagon and one hired combine man. The corn was just brought down the hill to the silos and unloaded at our place because we fed what we raised. Not sure if the neighbors raise livestock or not. Pry should know since one of the granddaughters is one of our “extra kids” that spent a lot time here while growing up.
Dad has his own combine now. He only farms the one field at our place now, my brother has the other field among others he now owns and rents. He farms some with his former brother-in-law, they have the combines and trucks like our neighbors here do. Different generation. Dad still does everything the way he always has and there’s no changing him, although I know it frustrates my brother. If it makes him happy, that’s all that matters!
Today I’m going to start trying to get myself built back up after being down the past five weeks with the chest crud. Was feeling quite a bit better last week but wasn’t able to get much accomplished, after being down for so long, doesn’t take much for me to get worn down…so frustrating. Have never been sick like this ever, to my knowledge. Thirty minutes of house work and I’m done. Makes me feel like my age is catching up with me.
Our girl came home from college for the weekend, hadn’t seen her in two months. She brought her boyfriend and their two dogs with them…talk about mass craziness. We have three chihuahuas (that don’t like other dogs) and they have two cow dogs that don’t like other dogs or cats…we have a house cat that is seldom seen, as all cats should be…she has a job and she does a great job of it, haven’t seen in mouse in many years. Needless to say, they wound up staying the weekend with my folks.
As it happened, Grampa Leo’s birthday was on Saturday, so we stopped by to a get a picture. As I asked Kaet’s boyfriend, don’t all families take family pictures at the cemetery? He just smirked and shook his head…it’s not something we did growing up…it’s just me. Leo was named after Kirk’s favorite grampa, started taking a picture of Little Leo every Memorial Day weekend way back when L.L. was little.
Leo was so tickled to see that he’s now taller than his sister, and by several inches. In August she was still a titch taller. A bit of a sore spot with her…her freshman year in high school she fell asleep while driving and flipped her vehicle…fractured two vertebrae and lost 1 1/2″ in height…very touchy subject.
We were thankfully lucky enough to have gorgeous weather and were able to get out for the afternoon on Saturday…we took Dallas to Jolly Time, always a fun place to stop.
We celebrated my mom’s 70th on Saturday evening. Everyone but one grandchild was able to make it…that doesn’t happen often now that Kaet lives so far away in NebraskaLand. She didn’t want a big party like we had when dad turned 70, she wanted low key and immediate family only. Was a nice evening…no fighting…always a good thing!
(Little Leo, The Godfather…Uncle Steve, Aunt Kathy and Great Aunt Phyllis)
Yesterday we celebrated Kirk’s Great Aunt Phyl’s birthday…she does not like being called Aunt Phyl, but that’s what I call her…but not when she’s around, the name seems to fit. She’s the only sibling left in her family, an awesome lady! Had a great time visiting with family and celebrating a wonderful young lady!
Now it’s on to putting the house back in order after being sick for so long and on to getting ready for Thanksgiving! We are having Kirk’s side of the family gathering the Saturday before at The Godfather’s. Kaet and Dallas will be able to make it back for that! My in-laws and two uncles will be home from Florida as well!
Kaet will be staying out west this year for Thanksgiving, last year she and Dallas were here, so they are going to be with his family this year. I’m not thrilled about it, but I get it…it’s going to be hard, but it’s just something I’m going to have to get used to. Been there are done that way back when Kaet was a baby and we lived out in south central Nebraska. We couldn’t make it home to every holiday and it was tough. All our family and friends lived back here. Have to do what you have to do though, no matter how hard.
I suppose I’ve rattled on more than enough. Think I’m stalling on my housework.
My Best To All!
I am a crazy reader person, usually have several going at all times. My mother is an avid book reader as was her mother. The kids take after their father, they’d rather have their toe nails pulled out than read anything other than a magazine article.
This summer I’m being the mean mom and an making Leo put in some reading time. Normally we listen to audio books together while driving to school or back and forth from guitar practice and usually have a couple going at all times, just depends on our moods as to what we listen to. Our favorites are the Rush Limbaugh kids books and Bill O’Reilly Legends and Lies books.
Anyway, I happened upon ‘the outsiders’ book last week while wandering through Barnes and Noble, think it will be one Bubba might like. I’m on the Willie Nelson book, a couple chapters in and so far so good!
When I do get a book for Leo to read I know to not just give it to him and tell him he should read, I do the mean mom thing and we have reading time together. Knowing he can’t sit and read for an hour like I do, I set a timer and he only has to suffer about 15 minutes once a day. It’s not a lot of time but at least he’s reading something and activating his mind for a bit.
A mom has to try!
Happy Friday! Patriot was enjoying munching on some grass on this beautiful afternoon! Dad has the fly mask on, so all the better!
Edward was enjoying some pasture time as well.
This old lady had her weekly doctor appointment for the majorly infected cartilage ear piercing I’ve been fighting for MONTHS…could have done the happy dance, Doc agreed that we are finally on the right medications! Starting to see that light in the tunnel! Now if I just would have stopped my ass at the chiropractor on my way home, have had about enough of my neck being out of wack and giving me this horrendous headache I’ve been fighting for a couple days. Didn’t want to take the time, so going to be in hell until Tuesday. My own damned fault.
Checked out my sunflowers this afternoon, absolutely LOVE it when they start getting crazy huge! My husband calls them weeds, but I enjoy them too much to not grow them. He just grumbles from time to time and says he hopes they don’t start growing in the neighbors corn and soybeans.
My mother-in-law called two days ago to give updates on my sister-in-law and her health. In-laws are retired to Florida, the rest of us live around here. We aren’t the best at checking in with one another or getting together, everyone living their own lives and doing completely different things. It really is sad when I think about it because Kirk and his sister were the best of friends growing up and have grown apart over the years.
Shell hadn’t been feeling well for some time and after quite a bit of testing she has found that her kidneys are functioning at 18%. This gal has always been very healthy except for a bad back. Turns out one of the medications she once took for her back pain is the cause of this kidney problem, they have 75% scar tissue. Won’t even try to pretend I can explain all the way and why fors, but it isn’t a good thing.
Went into town to visit with her today. Thankfully, she has a wonderful mindset about it all. Can’t say as I’d be able to be so positive. Told her that all she has to do is call or text me, if she needs anything, if even just to talk…she can call and text her brother all she wants but if she wants a response, she needs to holler at me too. Being a cattle buyer he is on the phone day and night, seven days a week, he gets so busy that it’s easy for him to forget to make return calls when it isn’t work related.
Then she laid on the big news that just knocked the wind out of me, my mother-in-law’s baby brother, just turned 50 a couple months ago, was just diagnosed yesterday with cancer of the esophagus. Won’t know the stage until this coming Wednesday, but apparently by the time signs begin to show themselves, it’s fairly well along. I pray that isn’t the situation with Uncle Jay. Love that man to pieces!
When I left the small town library that my sister-in-law works, Uncle Jamie was sitting out on his front porch, just across the street, so I walked over to chat with him. He was in wonderful spirits! We visited about the kids and their school. Told him to holler at us for anything, just to have us stop in for a visit, we are less than a 20 minute drive away.
Sometimes when it rains, it pours. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could all live happy, healthy lives with enough that’s needed to live!
Now, if we could just get the boy focused on school! He says he really likes his new school! Says he likes it way better than where he’s always gone. Talk about a happy mama! HOWEVER…one week into school and I’m getting daily e-mails on papers being turned in with below 80% scores. It’s so frustrating when he is so book smart…he just rushes to get the work done so he can do what he wants. We are constantly at him to bring his work home every night, bring all the books home every night. It’s happened only once this week. I love to read, read at least an hour a day, I can sit at the table and read of do bills while he is doing is work, that way I can help him when he needs it and I can look at his work to tell him if he needs to go back, slow down and do it again. UGH!
Hoping it doesn’t take too long to get this routine into his head, or it’s going to be a really long year.
With that, gonna call it a night…the icy hot seems to have kicked in and the pain is all gone! Going to enjoy it!
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